3 months old - the height of my modeling career. I am a babe magnet. My outfit suggests I'll be a baseball player later in life, but the shag carpeting just screams out future pimp.

Two years old - I discover alcohol. It's all downhill from here.

Yikes! Age five; the end of the 70's. Looking mighty suave in a blue polyester leisure suit.

Livin' large. Age 18; senior prom. I manage to overcome my high geek quotient and land a date. Quite a step up from the dork in the blue suit.

The college grad. Age 22. I earn the degree that will help me remain a customer rather than employee of my favorite fried apple pie serving restaurant.